Wings Of A Butterfly
by Broken-Devil
Summary: Spashley. 3 Parter. Paula reads an email, when Spencer is at school, written by Ashley. I Disclaim. R
1. Whispers

**A.N: Couldn't help myself. I watched the breakup scene again, cursed and decided to write something. I suppose it's something different to what other people have wrote, but a happy ending I'm not too sure. You'd think after breaking up in that episode they would learn their lesson, sheesh.**

**Three Parter, maybe an epilogue to tie it all up. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. Never have, never will. I mean, really, if I owned it would I be writing fanfiction and waiting, very impatiently, for February or April or March or whenever the hell it's coming back? No, didn't think so.**

**Feedback: Yup, 'cause I like it, it makes me feel popular - and I pretty much wanna know what you like and don't like.**

**Part 1: Whispers**

One week.

One week of being sat in a bedroom, a classroom or a house; alone.

One week of the phone not ringing, or your computer receiving interesting messages.

One week since Spencer had spoken to Ashley.

One week since they had broken up.

"Honey, wake up. It's time for school." Paula's voice was quiet. It wasn't a secret that she disapproved of her daughters relationship with her former best friend; but a sin or not, her daughters heartache was proving too difficult to face.

"What's the point? I don't have any tests today and it's not as if I'm behind." The older woman shook her head and sat on the bed. She knew Spencer would be awake, she hadn't slept in a long time and the only reason she came to tell her to wake up was to see her.

"Come on. You only have two more days until the weekend." Spencer shifted and looked at her mother. Her eyes were red and her face was pale and Paula instantly felt her heart drop at the sight. Even if what Ashley and Spencer had was seen as strange it was something pure, even she could see that. It was too late to accept their relationship now, though.

"I can't go." Paula smoothed out some hair from her daughters face and looked down to her, unable to make eye contact with her daughters wandering gaze. A poster, the window, the floor, the bed; it didn't matter as long as she missed someones stare. She hadn't accepted any type contact for a while now. "She sent me an e-mail last night." Spencer moved her head, indicating she didn't want to be touched anymore and Paula stood up, getting her some clothes out of her daughter's closet for school.

"Oh?"

"She's hurting so much and I caused that. I mean, I know what she did was a terrible thing but she's punishing herself more than I am." Paula let her daughter talk, reveling in the fact that she was finally opening up after five days of being a full blown mute.

"It'll take time, honey. Come on, now, Glen is going to give you a ride." Spencer moved painfully slowly.

"Why does this hurt so much? I thought breaking up with her would make things better." She shook her head and grabbed the pair of jeans her mother was holding up. "It hasn't though. It's made it worse and in the e-mail she sent - I could tell she was broken. She isn't my Ashley anymore."

"Spencer, you need to think about yourself now. Okay?" She turned to her teenaged daughter quickly assessing her posture. She had lost her first love and was blaming herself, somewhere Paula had once been, the two were more alike in that sense than they cared to admit.

"I want to care about her." The jeans continued to dangle from the blondes fingers. "I do care about her, I mean; you care about those you love. Right?" Paula nodded. If she didn't accept her daughter's sexuality now, she knew she never would. She knew now it wasn't a phase or some experiment and the only time, since moving to LA, had she gotten a pure smile from Spencer seemed to be when Ashley was around. It was as simple as that, Ashley made Spencer whole and she could only feel that the same went for the missing brunette.

"Come on. Ashley wouldn't want you sitting around your bedroom, would she?"

"Yes." Paula smiled at the short laugh she received. "I just - it's her last week this week. She's not coming back. Kyla and hers inheritance came through, she dosen't need school."

"More reason for you to go. She probably wants you to be there, after everything you were always going to be friends." Spencer looked up and blue eyes locked. "I'll tell Glen to wait, okay?" With a nod from her daughter Paula left.

"Where is she? We gotta go." Glen put another piece of toast into his mouth and looked up.

"She's getting dressed." She sat down, grabbing her coffee and looking at her sons disapproving scowl. "You know, this is hard for her."

"Well Ashley should have thought about that before running to Europe when Spence needed her the most. Of course it's hard for her but she'll get over it."

"This isn't about Ashley, Glen. It's about Spencer." Taking a sip of the now cold drink Paula shook her head. "She's really upset so do the right thing and be her big brother."

"I've tried. Yesterday, I saw Ashley walking towards Spencer and I saw my baby sister back. She smiled and everything, then Ashley kind of looked at Spencer and they both stopped then my baby sister went away again because Ashley changed direction. I went to see if she was okay and I got the big freeze."

"Let's go." Two blonde heads snapped up at the sound of Spencer's voice. She had made herself presentable and put on a small amount of make-up to hide her eyes. "Don't want to be late, right?" As quietly as she had arrived, she left.

"I'll see you tonight, mom." Following the footsteps of his sister Glen walked out.

Paula sat for what seemed like hours, fiddling with her ring and finally getting up and going upstairs. She stood in her daughter's doorway for a few moments, taking in the saddened atmosphere and hanging her head a little. She made her way over to the computer and moved the mouse, shocked to find a screen already open. The mouse hovered for a little while before her eyes were dragged to one thing inparticular in the little task bar. She clicked it and her daughters e-mails came up. It was wrong, she knew it, but she needed to get inside her daughters head. She needed to make her better, because her little girl was never meant to feel heartbreak. Sitting down she scanned the list until she found what she was looking for.

**From: Davies, Ashley.**

**Subject: Important.**

**Sent: Yesterday. 21:03. **

She hovered over the open button, considering what would happen if she read her daughters private e-mails before finally clicking the little button and waiting for the page to load.

--

"Hey." Spencer turned to the holder of the voice and smiled slightly. There she was, in all her glory, Ashley Davies. Except she looked different, her eyes didn't have the same sparkle and her stride wasn't as confident.

"Hey." The blonde returned to routing through her locker, trying to find an inanimate object to keep her attention.

"So, we have English. Wanna walk?" Spencer heard the shuffling of a bag and the movement of feet on the ground while she waited for an answer. "I mean, we don't have to." Silence. "Hey, do you still have one of my books in your locker?"

"I have about three, Ashley."

"Oh. Well, I guess I won't need them." She was met by more silence and shuffled her bag once more. "So, yeah, see you in class." Before Spencer could turn around again Ashley was gone, walking briskly towards her classroom and it took all that Spencer had to close her locker and follow her.

She was already in her seat by the time Spencer arrived and refused to even look up when she entered the room. The blonde quietly took her place next to the aspiring singer and ignored the constant whispers of classmates around her. Apparently, everyone knew about their breakup and after the shooting at the prom it was hot gossip. Spencer rolled her eyes; _people died and LA moves so fast it's already old news. _

The blonde sank down into her seat, her right hand coming up to rest her head on and her left scratching at the desk. She knew people were looking at her and Ashley, wondering why they were still sat near each other and whispering little rumors around themselves to stay occupied. She finally looked around and saw Ashley in basically the same position, doodling on her notepad, most likely writing some more songs or something. The brunette tensed slightly and Spencer knew that Ashley had caught her looking; the two stared at each other for a matter of minutes. It could have been hours or days and Spencer wouldn't have cared, because she felt safe in the bubble that the two had created. Until Ashley shook her head.

"I can't do this." She stood up and with the movement the bubble burst.

"Miss. Davies, please sit down."

"I'm sorry." The look, though vacant, was pointed directly at Spencer and the tanned girl quickly made her way out of the room. More shuffling and more whispers caused Spencer to sink lower, trying to hide; trying to go so far into a dark place that she couldn't be found, even if somebody was looking.

She knew what people were saying; _Spencer Carlin, the only girl to break the heart of a heartless person. _But Ashley wasn't heartless, or cold, or anything else she forced her persona to be. Spencer knew her like nobody else wanted to, she knew her fears and her dreams, and she knew that spiders were her mortal enemy and that she once made Aiden cry by teasing him after she beat him on Guitar Hero.

Aiden.

She wanted to hate him, truly and utterly hate him until she couldn't even bear to look at him. But she couldn't and she knew she wouldn't ever be able to. It was true when he said 'you can't help who you love', Spencer had known all along that he had some deep-seated feelings for her girlfriend but she didn't want to accept them.

Then prom night happened and she was thrown headfirst into all her fears and all her nightmares and though she struggled to stay afloat they brought her down. She surfaced, once more, gasping for air and taking in all the wonderful sights but when no Ashley was there to save her she sunk under again. Into darkness, into loneliness, without her brother and without her girlfriend. She came out of the other side though, a little stronger though a little paler. From there she knew she didn't need to lean on anybody, she didn't need Ashley to be her rock anymore because she survived, just, without her.

Hearing the whispers though made her realise that she missed Ashley with all her heart, with every breath she took it stung, with every step it was heavier. Without her the sun was a little less bright and the songs birds sang were a little more heart-wrenching; it was a known fact now that she needed Ashley as much as Ashley needed her.

It was time to move on though. Afterall, your first love isn't your true love. Right?

**Chapter 2 up over the weekend probably and 3 up shortly after. Mainly because this has been half-assed wrote for a while now. **


	2. Smiles

**Nice and long, because, well I don't know actually. By the way, I don't own it, some big guy does.**

**Part 2: Smiles**

_--_

_Spencer,_

_It's been ages since I've spoken to you, huh? _

_I told myself today, "Ashley, you will tell Spencer everything she needs to hear and you will tell her now." and I did pick up my phone a few times. Like the time that I was trying to phone you when you were like fifteen minutes late in getting to my house, remember? Of course you won't, you were fifteen minutes late. Anyway, I spent the entire time thinking that you had come to your senses and decided to bail on me 'cause I'm just that annoying girl who follows you around. _

_So here I am, trying to write to you what I've wanted to say since we broke up. I hate writing that, I really do. I mean, I'd be lying right now if I said writing that didn't break my heart a little because from the first time I saw you (and I was nice) I wanted to believe we would be in each others life forever. You had that thing about you, that kind of look that made me come to you. You know, you're the only person I have ever apologized to when I've snapped at them on their first day. Especially when you made me drop my coffee. That should be a crime in itself! _

_I don't even know what I want to say. Well I do, there is so much I need to tell you and so much I want to, but I don't know where to start._

_---_

"It's going to be alright you know." Spencer looked up to see the worried expression of her older brother. It wasn't like the two didn't get on, they did, and they just had the typical sibling rivalry down to a perfect art. She loved Glen, though she didn't need to say it, and she knew he loved her. It was there, and he would be there for her when she needed him, which was right now. It was like a sense, his sister was hurting and he knew it.

"Yeah?" Spencer fiddled with her fork and blue eyes danced over to the brunette who was sat with her sister at a far away table. Her hands were moving erratically as she told her story, but even from here, Spencer could tell she wasn't as happy as she made out.

"I promise." Her eyes finally came to lie on her brother and he shot her a small smile. "Don't tell anyone I said this, but you're the strongest one of the Carlin family."

"Really, how did you come to that conclusion?" Glen sat on the table and stopped his sisters fidgeting hands with one of his own.

"We lost Clay, all of us together." Eyes clamped shut Spencer tried to pull her hands away but Glen refused to let go. "We all suffered and it hurts like hell, everyday, but you Spence, you lost Ashley aswell. You still come to school though; you still wake up in the mornings. I know I couldn't do that. I can't say I know what you're going through, because I lost one person. Yeah, he meant a lot to us all, me, you, mom and dad. But you lost someone who meant everything to you, aswell, just you." Glen stroked the top of his sister's hand, unsure if his words were actually working.

"It hurts Glen." Her tight eyes opened and she looked up at her brother, the one guy, apart from her dad, who she could count on.

"And that's why we are here." He searched around until he found what he was looking for. "But go and talk to her. You both need one another, and I know you don't want to lose her. We all have someone to fall back on after what has happened, let Ashley be your friend."

"Who are you and what did you do with my brother?" Their joined hands separated but identical smiles were worn.

"You're my baby sister, it's what I do. But don't tell anyone I was nice to you, I'll deny it." He got up and placed a supporting hand on her arm. "Just talk to her."

"It's hard."

"The right thing always is." He walked away and Spencer glanced back over to Ashley, whose eyes were on her. Spencer smiled a little and took a deep breath; she reached down and grabbed her bag. Ready to do the right thing.

_---_

_I'm sorry._

_So fucking sorry you have no idea. I can't believe I ran like I did when you needed me. I saw your tears and I was scared shitless because the feelings I had inside scared me, I've never loved someone like I loved you and when you were in pain..._

_I don't even want to finish that sentence with the words "I felt it too" because I didn't. It was your grief and your pain and I was lost. So I ran and I tried to find myself and I forced myself to try and forget about you, but every second of everyday was revolved around you._

_Damn, I'm watching Oprah way too much._

_I just want you to be happy Spencer. I want you to be so happy and I could never give you that. I want you to smile everyday and I want you to laugh at something that isn't even funny. I need you to smile, because that is the only thing that woke me up everyday that I was in Europe._

_And I don't mean that I have your picture set to my alarm clock._

_I don't know. _

_It hurts so much to have to write this but it's true. _

_---_

"Can I sit down?" Blue eyes searched brown. She stood awkwardly at the table and Kyla quickly moved her bag, indicating she could sit down.

"I have to go and find a friend anyway. I'll see you after school, Ash." She was up and gone before either Spencer or Ashley could argue. The blonde quickly sat down, knowing now she wasn't intruding on anything.

The silence killed her. On many occasions in the past the two would sit in silence, basking in the opportunity to rifle through thoughts and smiling privately on how lucky they were to have one another. Now, though, the silence killed her. Cut through her like a sharp edge of a knife and lingered painfully until she couldn't stand it anymore.

"I read your e-mail last night." Ashley finally looked up at her, eyes squinting in confusion and her fingers playing with the piece of paper in front of her.

"Oh, sorry it was so long." Spencer sent her a smile which was instantly returned.

"You do like to ramble on and on though, don't you?" The brunette nodded and the two fell back into silence. Eyes scanned anywhere else but each other and Spencer quickly found some courage in her to talk to Ashley, to keep her in her life. "You're wrong you know."

"What do you mean?"

"When you said you didn't make me happy." Spencer saw her flinch and scooted closer to her on the bench. "You did. You made me feel so many things."

"I'm sorry if I hurt you." The confident streak that Spencer loved so much was gone and she knew it. Her voice, the one that could melt her in seconds, was broken and scratchy. "I'm sorry for everything."

"It's okay. I forgive you." And that was the truth. From the bottom of her beating heart, she meant every one of those words.

"Really?" Shock overcame sadness and eyes met. "But what I did was unforgivable."

"No, it was awful and it hurt. But you did what you thought was best, you gave me space and I learnt to live without you. You were my everything, my air, my life, then you left and I thought I lost it. But I survived, you helped me become stronger." She reached across and took Ashley's hand under her grasp, folding fingers around hers and forcing contact between them.

"I don't deserve to even know someone like you."

"You do. It's why I'm not going anywhere. Even if I can't be in your life like I was," She stumbled, stopping her sentence when she saw the pain flash over Ashley's pretty face. She took a breath and continued. "Even if I can't be in it like that, I want to be in it. I want you to be in mine."

"Okay." The two smiled at one another, touched yet pained at the same time. Knowing it could never be like it was, but this was something different, something deeper. "Start over new?"

"Yeah."

_---_

_I have been looking for my 'one' for such a long time and you came along and you were her, you were my reason and my everything. But I wasn't yours; I couldn't be if I'm so cowardly to run from you. I don't doubt you loved me, I know you did, I could feel it. I'm just not the one you deserve to be with, you need someone who can give you so much more._

_I want you to find someone Spence, who will treat you like the most perfect thing in the world; you need to find someone who will love you everyday more and more. Someone who, when you kiss them, it feels like the first kiss everytime and it's electric everytime you touch. _

_I want you to feel like you made me feel every damn day. _

_Theres someone out there for you and I'm going to walk away and let you find that person because it's what you deserve. You're worth so much more than a dead rock stars daughters angst. You're worth so much that I don't think you even realise it. _

_You gave me your everything and I took it and gave nothing back._

_You came out to your parents for me. You were there when my dad died. You gave up the chance to be a cheerleader. You got yourself into trouble for me. You made me laugh on days I didnt even want to smile. You'd frustrate me to the ends of the earth but send me a look and I'd melt. You gave up Ohio for me. _

_---_

Ashley walked through the halls of the school, looking out for her sister but her mind focused on the conversation she had with Spencer only a few hours ago. It was hard hearing that the blonde she loved with everything she had couldn't be in her life the way that she used to be, but she knew that's the way it was meant to be. She had tried not to cry, but she had been trying for far too long and the tears that seemed to forever line her eyes made a break for it.

"Watch it, Davies." The quick snarl of Madison Duarte had Ashley turning around, almost glad that she shoulder-barged her into oblivion. The tears were wiped away but not ignored. "Are you okay?"

"Perfect." Madison was always easy to lie to, she was so full of herself she wouldn't even realise it. Lies and truth came and went to her, she went with what she was told and made her own ending out of your story.

"You're not." Oh, she had learnt. "Is this about Spencer?"

"Why do you care?" The brunette turned away from the new and not so improved Madison, ready to walk away and get ready for life away from King High.

"You two had it hard. I get that, and I can't say I know how you feel. I've never had that type of love." Ashley turned slowly, eyeing the girl and taking it in that maybe, just maybe, things had changed for the better.

"Thanks, I think."

"Glen says Spencer is broken up about this whole thing. She won't come out of her room often and she's wandering around like she's lost a limb." The Latina walked forward, knowing their rivalry wouldn't be as harsh as it once was but also not being so naive as to think the two would ever be friends. "So, I'm sorry, it'll get better."

"I hope so, Madison." There was a cordial nod between the girls and the changed girl walked away, leaving a slightly shocked Ashley in her wake. "I really hope so."

"Hey, Ash! Can I have a lift home, sometime soon?" A smile crossed the girls face at the sound of her sister's voice and she turned quickly, raising an eyebrow.

"Fine, move your ass."

_---_

_I gave you nothing but a few kisses. _

_I'm not going to say 'I'll never give up' because I've accepted were over. For the first time ever I'm going to swallow my pride and let you do what you want. _

_I don't blame you though. You didn't break my heart; I broke my own and yours with the same selfish fist. _

_So, this is a long winded e-mail._

_I'll always love you Spencer and I'll always be there but I need to leave for a while, I need to back off and let you have the space to breathe because I need to see you smile again. _

_---_

Spencer sat in the front seat next to Glen in the car, looking out of the window, watching her ex-girlfriend climb into the car, laughing about something that Kyla was saying. She missed that laugh, that smile, the shake of the head when she was thinking how idiotic the whole situation was.

"Dads cooking tonight, you gonna eat something?" Spencer looked at her older brother and nodded.

"Yeah."

"So, did you talk to Ashley?" Eyes didn't come off of the road and Spencer glanced in the rearview mirror to see if she could see the brunette, but the car was already gone.

"Yeah, we're friends." The word sounded hollow to her own ears but she had to accept it, this was the way life was meant to be.

"Good. Now put your feet down, you brat." Spencer did as she was told and smiled to herself.

_---_

_I never deserved someone like you but I'm so glad that I got you.That I had the chance to hold you, to kiss you, to call you mine and make fun out of you and know you'll love me all the same._

_(Plus, you're an amazing kisser. Just thought I should add that in there, this e-mail was getting a little depressing.)_

_I'll see you around, okay? _

_Love, Ashley. _


	3. Promises

**I actually don't like this chapter all that much, it didn't come out the way I planned but my muse has decided to go on an all expenses vacation without me, the cow! **

**I own nothing, Tom Lynch does; he has the money too. I'm just a college student hoping I have enough money, next week, to get into college actually.**

**Review, if you please.**

**Part 3: Promises**

The knocking on the door came to Paula's attention, pulling it away from her thoughts. Thoughts that revolved around a certain e-mail, a closed off daughter and an obvious tension that was settling over the table in the Carlin household. She looked around and by the confused faces her children and her husband were pulling; they weren't expecting anybody. Her knife and fork cluttered onto her plate, noisily in the atmosphere and she excused herself from her own table.

The hallway seemed cold and an involuntary shiver ran through the older woman's skin, causing her hands to come up to opposite arms and rub vigorously. Opening the front door she saw the retreating form of a broken brunette.

"Ashley?" The girl stopped suddenly, tensing for a second before turning back around. Mascara coated underneath her eyes and the way she was holding the small brown box in her hands caused Paula to walk briskly out of the house and take the item from her.

"I just thought - I mean," Ashley trailed off, unsure on what to say or what to do around her ex's mother. The two never saw eye to eye in the first place and it was doubtful Ashley was going to be allowed to rush into her arms now. "It's Spencer's things." She nodded at the box, folding her arms tightly and pulling her jacket closer to her body. Paula looked at the poorly tied box and took in a deep breath; this was Ashley giving up.

"Come inside, it's freezing out here." The offer was on the table and shock crept over the teenagers eyes. "Come on." The situation had taken a completely different turn to what Ashley had been expecting. Shouting, crying, rolling of eyes and all other types of emotions had been going through her head on how Paula would greet her. Instead, she was offering her a chance to come inside the house.

"I'm sorry I hurt Spencer." It was muffled but she knew, by the sigh that came from Paula's mouth, she had been heard. "I didn't mean to, I didn't want to. I know I should have treated her better." Feet were moving on their own and when she looked up again she was stood in the Carlin's hallway. The box Paula had been holding for Ashley stood by the side of the stairs and she shook her head; she needed to get a hold of herself. She rubbed her eyes, cleaning of most of the mascara but leaving a muddy trail.

"Where's your mother?" It was a natural instinct as a mother herself to ask. Spencer had her mom, but did Ashley? Who did Ashley have to fall back on? Every girl needed someone after a breakup, a mom, a dad or a friend. Where were Ashley's back ups?

"Out somewhere. I think she's meeting some guy about something, I don't know." She finished with a shrug and tried to control her shuddering chest as she began to breathe normal once more.

"Let's get you a drink and clean you up, okay?" The maternal urge had taken over and after reading the e-mail and getting an insight into how deep her daughter's relationship with Ashley went, Paula had found a new sort of respect for the girl.

"Why are you being nice to me?" She recoiled almost violently from Paula's touch and sent her a glare, trying to work out what kind of stunt the older woman was pulling. Bringing her into a house full of memories, acting like a mother would act around her own, something was off.

"Ashley, I understand I gave you a hard time and pre-judged you."

"All the time."

"I was scared I was losing my daughter to you, and with the move and the shift in the family I didn't want that. I've grown up with my morals, wanting to enforce them onto my children but obviously that isn't what they want. I want them to lead their own path and I'm letting them. You were along Spencer's path, which means you came into our lives and -" She was unsure on how to finish that under the softening eyes of the Davies girl. "Just come and get a drink, clean yourself up and then you're free to go." A compliant nod sent Paula walking to the kitchen, to be faced with questioning faces of her family.

"Who was that?" Spencer was the one to speak, the one who seemed more bothered about who would be knocking at such an hour, because the person who would be doing that before everything happened would be her Ashley.

"Uh, Glen can you set another place please?" The ignorance didn't go ignored and before Spencer could open her mouth, the voice of her angel took over.

"No, I can't stay Paula." The table fell silent as the small girl shuffled in behind her. Glen stared between his sister and the girl who had single-handedly broken, what they thought to be, a perfect family. That's what he wanted to believe, that it was all Ashley, he knew different now. They were already broken, cracks appearing on their journey to LA, long before Ashley Davies had set foot into their life.

"I'll - Yeah, I'll set a place anyway." He was up and collecting a plate before Spencer could protest.

"I'll get you a drink." Arthur was next to leave, quickly getting a glass and filling it with some water. Noticing the state Ashley was in; it was obvious his wife had brought the girl in for a certain reason. He watched as his wife, gently, led her to the table where she took place and avoided all glances.

"I won't be here long, really. I just came to drop some things off, I should go soon - Kyla will be waiting." A glass and a plate were placed in front of her but she accepted neither, trying her hardest not to look at Spencer and hoping she didn't come across as ignorant.

"I know." Paula sat down. "Just warm yourself up. You're in no state to drive, Ashley." She could see that from the way she was sat, slouched down, trying to hide her shaking hands by wringing her fingers.

"Ash?" The soft tone of Spencer's voice caused them all to look at the brunette. "Are you okay?" Instead of replying some sarcastic answer, or something witty, the girl nodded silently. "Mom, can me and Ashley go upstairs for a bit?" She ignored the look she was getting from her ex; she ignored the shuffling of feet under the table and the glances between her father and brother. She stared directly at the woman who had brought her into this world, gave her this heart and pleaded silently with her eyes.

"Of course. There's a box at the bottom of the stairs, your things I believe."

"I should go." Ashley stood up quickly, the chair legs scraping back on the floor causing Spencer to flinch. "Yeah, 'cause Kyla - you know what she's like." She quickly made her way out of the kitchen, the force of being in the same room as Spencer, being so close to her, hitting her hard. A thin hand flew up to her mouth and the other reached out to find stability on the wall. One choked sob and she felt a tentative hand on her shoulder, instantly the burning sensation gave away who it was.

"Help me take the box upstairs." It wasn't a question, it was a demand. A soft demand that received an answer. A soft plea that received two broken girls climbing steps to a bedroom filled with lingering hope.

"It's not much. Just some clothes you left and a few CD's, I think there might be some pictures in there." While one sat the other paced, fumbling over her words, trying to speak rationally and clear. Trying desperately to claw back to the way she was. She had lived without Spencer for most of her life before, right? She could do it again.

The blonde girl quickly took her rightful place in front of her confused friend and grabbed her arms, battling down the defenses they had both built and staring right into those eyes. The same eyes that had both intrigued and scared her, the eyes that held so much pain and ridicule but brought out the best in her.

"Sit with me?" Ashley struggled to hear Spencer's words, both quiet and whispered she strained to hear the voice she had grown to depend on. The voice that woke her up from the slumber she had been in most of her life. The single voice that had changed her and begged her to stay the same. She was no longer Ashley Davies around the Ohio native; she was simple 'Ash'. The way she was born to be, meant to be, thought that she should always be but rebelled against it.

"I should go."

"You've been saying that for the past ten minutes, but Ash, you're still here."

Reluctantly the two sat down, keeping a space between them but trying to remain close, trying hard to build some bridge between them.

"So, you doing anything this weekend?" She knew it was a lame conversation starter but Ashley needed noise, she needed to hear Spencer's voice and even if she didn't speak she needed to know she wasn't being ignored.

"Probably catch up with some homework; I'm not really in the mood to be going out at the moment." They both knew why and the conversation continued, albeit slightly forced. "You?"

"No, I'll probably just stay in too. I'm not exactly Little Miss. Popularity at the moment." She kicked the box lightly and fiddled with her fingers, wanting to feel that same presence of comfort again but knowing if she did she wouldn't want it to stop. She and Spencer were never meant to be just friends; they would always be something more, something deeper.

"What about Aiden? Won't he go out with you somewhere?" The jealousy wasn't hidden and neither was the shock in her eyes when the brown-eyed girl shook her head.

"I've not spoken to him since - I don't even know."

"Really? He's your best friend though." Spencer watched as Ashley stood up, paced for a moment before kneeling down next to the box and opening it. Fingers delved inside, obviously trying to find some distraction. "Why haven't you spoken to him?"

"I figured I couldn't have both of you in my life at the same time, it was too confusing and you were right; me and Aiden have too much history. So, I figured we'd separate ways and he'd go and lead his life while and go and find mine." More searching and more avoidance came. "God, I can't believe you had me make you this Kelly Clarkson CD because you lost yours." Holding up the silver disc Ashley sent the blonde a smile, hoping for one in return.

"I love her." _And I love you anyway. _"Her lyrics are actually really nice to listen to."

"I'll believe you." The brunette sat back on her heels, one hand propping her up and another fiddling with some string on her skirt.

"It's going to be so weird not seeing you around school anymore, you know." Her voice had taken on that husky tone that Ashley needed to hear so desperately and she didn't even try and suppress the smile. It wasn't even worth it anymore, too many hidden smiles and longing glances caused them to end up here.

"It's not as if I had perfect attendance anyway, and plus - It'd be weirder if I was there."

Silence once more covered the room and instead of indulging in conversation, Spencer took place opposite Ashley and began looking through the box. Random pictures the two had taken lay on top, ones in bed, ones sat in the car when they decided to run away and some with Aiden on them. She shuffled around some more and, indeed, found the clothes that had gone missing months ago and some CD's that the two of them had made; after watching music channels and _desperately _needing to download that certain song.

A bottle of perfume, a book, a plastic ring that Ashley had insisted on getting her when Spencer beat her at pool.

Memories, that Spencer had forced to stay away, bombarded her and looking up she could see that Ashley was also struggling, seeing the items in such a strange way was getting to them and the blonde quickly resealed the box.

"Thanks for bringing it all back." Ashley simply nodded, chipped nails ran over the top of the box, knowing now that once she left; everything she had of Spencer would be left behind.

"It's fine. A new start generally begins with a big clear out of old things."

"I miss us, Ashley." Three words that were harder to speak these days than 'I love you' flew out of Spencer's mouth quicker than she thought possible. She had wanted to scramble them back, rearrange the letters to mean something different; but the truth always came out.

"Don't." She was on her feet again, shaking legs barely holding her up, quickly followed by Spencer. "I miss us, too, but what we had is ruined now."

"I know. It was pretty good while it lasted though, right?" She needed to know if everything was worth it, if the bitter taste of tears on her lips were those of misery or happiness, if every kiss was remembered fully. Brown eyes blinked before looking into blue, and drowning.

"Best time of my life. You're an amazing person, Spencer." Her eyes gleamed brightly for the first time in weeks and the blonde knew; deep down, the girl was being one-hundred and ten percent honest with her.

"Thank you." She just nodded 'you're welcome' before turning to go to the door. "Ashley?" The strange tone in her voice caused the brunette to whirl around, checking to see if the girl she loved was okay.

"Yeah?"

"Promise me that I'll never lose you. It hurts enough already, just promise me I won't hurt anymore." Two steps and the blonde was encased in the arms of Ashley, soothing strokes going down her back and tears wetting her top.

"Never, not even when you want me to leave Spencer. You're pretty much stuck with me now." Spencer tightened her hold around Ashley and she let her do it, because she knew that this was the last of them being like this. In the future it would be mutual hugs between friends, kisses on the cheek after a good night out, nothing as intense as now. Nothing as scary or as inviting as the situation before her.

"Promise me."

"I promise you, I will never leave you again, you will never lose me." Both pulled away at the same time and shot one another identical smiles. "But I really should go now, Kyla is waiting for me; she's worried I'm going to drink myself into oblivion or something."

"Okay. When will I see you?" Ashley shrugged; knowing deep down it would be very soon.

"Whenever you phone me, I'll come running, I was always under the thumb with you. Just don't tell anyone that." Spencer bit her lip and nodded.

"True. Bye Ashley."

"Bye, Spence."

And she was gone before a smile could even grace her lips, but Spencer knew that tonight she would sleep for the first time in weeks. Finally being able to rest after closing that book on her and Ashley and waiting to write a new one.


	4. Epilogue

**Dear, people, you should all know as a Spashley shipper I wasn't going to leave it **_**there. **_**I couldn't.**

**It's only short but epilogues are.**

**I own nothing people, you should know this.**

**Epilogue.**

She sat at her desk, slowly typing, not really paying attention but eyes scanning notes anyway. Ashley Davies was more than unimpressed with her work, but she persevered, the more she got down, the better she would sleep knowing it was finished.

She looked at the computer clock, 01:57, not a good time to be awake generally but it was a Saturday. She was usually awake at this time, writing down songs, work-notes, anything to keep her Sunday free. She liked Sundays, the day of rest, her day with Spencer.

Best friends forever, at least, that's what the photo frame told her. The one that sat on her desk and the picture of her and the blonde pulling silly faces at the camera. She liked that picture, when they were stupid and naive and didn't have to get up at 5, Monday to Friday, so you didn't feel bad about having so much money and no-one else being able to afford the luxuries she had. She hated her conscience, and Spencer for giving it her.

The ringing of her cell-phone interrupted her reverie of why she hated guilt trips and the Carlin girl, but not really, just a little. She checked the ID, though she knew who it was, and smiled, answering quickly and leaning back in her chair.

"A. Davies Lesbian Hotline, this is Ashley. How can I be of service tonight?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" The sultry voice of Spencer flooded her senses and she shivered, not intentionally, it was automatic everytime she heard her voice.

"What are you doing up at this time? Don't you have a busy social life you need to stay beautiful for, or something?" It wasn't that she was jealous, just curious. Ashley knew jealousy; that was the feeling she had when she saw Spencer wrapped around some other girl on the dance floor, or the feeling she got when Spencer talked about the new girl in her life. She had gone through the stage of a few girls here and there, no serious relationship until Carmen. That lasted a little over 6 months, and for 6 months Ashley had tried many women and many alcoholic beverages before giving up and accepting. Right about that time Spencer had caught the girl kissing someone else; it was over as soon as blue eyes saw what was happening.

"You always say I'm beautiful. Are you lying to me when you say that?" Teasing tones but Ashley answered quickly anyway, wanting to keep her on the phone.

"No, I'm always honest when it comes to you Spencer." There was a pregnant pause and brown eyes blinked, hoping deeply that she hadn't made the situation tense. She opened her mouth to speak again, randomly talk about pizzas, or something, anything to go off of topic.

"I miss you." She was beaten to the punch and she span slowly in her chair, it squeaked quietly.

"You saw me last Tuesday."

"No, Ash. I mean, I miss you more than going for coffee every Tuesday. I miss us." Ashley could hear something in the background, Spencer was walking somewhere and it was the middle of the night, or early in the morning; either way it wasn't safe.

"Where are you?"

"Do you miss us, Ashley?" Avoidance was a tactic they both knew very well and they both played it to the full level. Ashley, instead of answering right away, was planning on the quickest route to find Spencer at this time.

"Of course I do."

"Why did you pause?" More noises and Ashley was pacing her living room now, trying to find her shoes and jacket.

"It's hard to talk about this when I'm trying to find my shoes and my jacket and figure out where you are." She stumbled over the coffee table, cursing under her breath and making a beeline for the boots she could see in the corner.

"I'm right here, Ashley." Spencer's voice floated from behind her and Ashley paused, afraid to turn around and find it was Aiden or Kyla or someone else with a new type of gadget. "Turn around, I want to see you." She did and there she was.

"How did you get in?"

"Kyla left her key at my house before. I forgot to give it her back, so I figured what better time than now." Ashley threw her now hung up phone onto the couch and ran a hand through her curls, trying to place all the pieces together.

"Okay. Why are you here?" They were close to each other, barely registering their steps. "Are you alright?"

"Perfect." Hands joined and Ashley had to look down to make sure she was seeing what she was feeling. "I just needed to tell you something and phones are a little too impersonal to spill little secrets."

"What do you have to tell me?" Fingers linked, eyes locked and hearts pounded but they both stood their ground. They were always the strongest together, though great on their own, they needed one another.

"I've been searching, you see, for this so called 'one' person in my life." Spencer led them slowly to the couch, not continuing until they were both sat down and facing one another. Hands still linked and eyes still locked. "Just searching, you know? I found her, and I needed you to know." The pounding hearts stopped to shatter into dropping stomachs.

"Oh. I knew you'd find the person, see I'm always right."

"She's amazing, Ash. Beautiful, funny, intelligent, so very annoying, thinks she is God's gift to everything and everyone. But you know the best thing about her?" Ashley reasoned that gloating didn't suit Spencer, especially now.

"She can put up with you rambling?"

"No." Spencer smiled a toothy grin, moving closer to Ashley, eyes flicking to lips and back to eyes. "The best thing is; she waited for me for as long as I needed and grew more in love with me everyday. Do you know how special that is?"

"She sounds perfect for you." Stomachs still dropped and eyes still flicked, but Ashley, not one to be deterred, managed to fumble out a sentence.

"You always were egotistical. Do you know that?"

"What?"

"You. Saying how perfect you are for me, I'll never understand why I love you so much." Shock registered and Spencer took her chance to capture the lips she had dreamt about for the two years they had been apart.

It was soft and passionate and, though she knew Ashley was confused beyond anything, the kiss was returned with the same need and want that had been building within her. Arms wrapped and fingers clenched soft material, begging not to let go and forcing them closer together. It was the brunette to pull back first, a slight frown adorning her reddening face.

"So, I'm the one you want?" Spencer nodded. "Not someone else?" She shook her head. "So, you had my little heart breaking for nothing." A nod. "God, I hate you." A smile.

"No, you really don't." She traced her fingers down the tanned girl's cheek, taking in her features, storing them for dreams. "We just needed space, and I needed to see what I really, truly, wanted."

"Which was me?" Ashley didn't want to take things too fast, but she couldn't help but gleam. They could talk about serious stuff in the morning; right now her hands were making circles on the skin she had missed for so long.

"Yes, Ashley." Spencer placed a kiss on the tip of her nose.

"Thought so." She pulled the girl into a hug, not wanting to see the rolling of eyes because she knew she would get them many more times in the future.

"I've missed you." A small kiss on Ashley's neck brought them back eye level, unsure of what to do, but knowing they would do it together.

"I didn't go anywhere."


End file.
